The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris Page 2

  Perineum. The fleshy, sensitive space between the genitals and the anus where so many women and men love a feeling of gently applied pressure. You may have been calling it by its low-brow name, the “taint.”

  Anus. The exit that some adults enjoy as an entrance. Yet it can also be highly arousing when lightly touched or slightly penetrated. But that’s a subject for another book....

  Chapter 3

  Lubrication: The Elixir of Love

  What if you could double – or even quadruple – the pleasure your lover feels from your every erotic touch? Wouldn’t that melt her into your fingers in the slippery-hot frenzy of your wettest dreams?

  Or, you can hand her a good case of rug burn, like in her driest nightmares.

  The difference can be summed up in one word: Lubrication. And knowing how to start it up – and keep it up – are your tickets to a joyful slide into Orgasmland.

  Stimulated Lubricant

  While the vagina is designed to lubricate naturally when aroused, your lover is not a machine. So even after your most valiant efforts, you may still not feel the welcoming signs of vaginal slipperiness.

  Here’s why you shouldn’t worry: there may be a reason other than the one you’re thinking.

  Your lover may have taken a medication that dries her out. Stress, breastfeeding, menopause and other hormonal changes can dry her out, too. Even marijuana can dry out more than one’s mouth. And, of course, some women simply produce less lube, no matter how turned on they are.

  Fear not! You’ve got another always-handy, cost-free lube to use as your instant passion-starter: Saliva.

  Add saliva to your fingertips and set your glistening fingers free to roam. Once her own vaginal juices start flowing from your slick touch, you’re on your way. And remember: all her natural lubrication originates within the vulva, from glands beneath her clitoris, so you may need to roam around to spread it around. (Do you think you can put your finger on a solution?)

  Simulated Lubricant

  If you can’t keep up with the salivary demand, or your lover prefers longer-lasting, slipperier sensations, you’ve got plenty of choices that will satisfy both of you immensely. The secret is to always have a good personal lubricant on hand, and within easy reach. Which lubes do you think will put you and your lover over the top?

  Water-based Sex Lubes. This type is the most widely available and your safest, easiest bet. They come in free-flowing liquids, or thicker jellies and gels. You can also choose one that’s fruit-flavored to add zest to oral sex.

  While a water-base provides a good slipperiness, these lubes can lose their slick once they absorb into the skin. Simply reapply (slather it on!), or use a few drops of water or saliva to bring your lube back to life.

  Silicone-based Sex Lubes. For slip-sliding away and buttplay, silicone rules. It typically lasts longer than water-based lubes, doesn’t get absorbed into your skin, and hardly every dries out in the heat of passion. Trouble is, it may not offer the best sensation for your lover’s vulva – and it’s more of a challenge for after-sex cleanup. And it seems contrary to common sense, but silicone lubes melt silicone toys. Never use one with the other.

  Never-EVER-try Lubes. While nearby kitchen oils, hand lotions or massage oils may seem like a good idea in a pinch, never succumb to temptation with any of these liquids for intimate, off-label use. They are incompatible with healthy sex and can cause unpleasant vaginal infections.

  Which Lube For You Two?

  Only recently, sex lubes have made giant strides toward healthier formulations. Start by asking if your lover has any sensitivities or allergies, but regardless, two ingredients you may wish to avoid are glycerin and paraben, which have been removed from many female body-safe elixirs. And some flavoring agents, as well as heat and tingling ingredients, can sometimes cause irritation.

  If you’re new to lube, your best bet is to experiment with a basic water-based formula. These gentle lubes rarely irritate, and wash easily out of sheets, bedspreads and auto upholstery. And they’re always condom-compatible.

  Instant Lube Upgrades

  Which sounds better: a drizzle of slippery warm lube on your most sensitive skin, or a sudden splash of arctic-chilled liquid? Next time, try this: Before pouring on the lube, first rub it between your fingers, till the friction heats it up. Even better, place the entire bottle of lube into a bowl of hot water you’ve thoughtfully placed at bedside. Now you’re cookin’!

  How much lube is the right amount to squirt? The rule of thumb is you can never use too much, but if she tells you she’s not getting enough friction, you may be over-pouring.

  Chapter 4

  The Big OH!

  Could there possibly be a better-sounding word to capture the pulsating pleasures of sexual release that we humans are so privileged to enjoy?

  Orgasm.

  These blissful bursts don’t just feel extraordinarily good, they’re good for us. From their stress-lowering ability to their immune-boosting capability, did you know going without is actually UNhealthy? Orgasms reset your body systems, help shield you from heart attacks, and even keep your skin looking younger.

  If they could bottle it, we’d binge on it.

  But there’s one rub: Your orgasm is not the same as your lover’s orgasm – and if you’re treating them as equal, you’re shortchanging her.

  As well as yourself.

  Tune-In To Your Lover’s Orgasms

  Imagine this: Your lover’s warm, slippery fingers joyfully giving you a word-class handjob – but only at the very bottom of your penis. How long before you’d go out of your mind?

  Just like you (and maybe even more so), your lover needs your sexy touch to land on the right spot – together with a custom tempo and perfect pressure – in order for her to orgasm. In addition, a woman’s mind must also be at ease, without worries about kids, deadlines, grocery shopping, or whether she thinks you think she’s overweight.

  It doesn’t require a team of gifted sex-researchers to find the ideal spot, tempo and pressure that your lover needs to orgasm. It’s entirely your mission, and there’s a very easy way to solve this mystery: Ask! (Although never via text messaging or through a bathroom door – but in bed, when the moment’s right, in the most tender, empathetic voice you can muster.)

  And while you’re at it, you can try to set her mind at ease, and focus her entirely on feel-good passion, by summoning up your inner sensitive guy and offering up a few sincere words to help her let go of any worries, and to be with you in the here and now.

  Understanding Her Orgasm

  What is a female orgasm anyhow? It’s the blissful release of sexual tension that takes place during four distinct stages:

  1. Excitement. Why your foreplay is so important, because it starts the flow of blood to her nipples, clitoris and vulva.

  2. Plateau. Why your touching is so meaningful, because her heart starts racing, her breathing quickens, her blood pressure rises, and blood’s now rushing to her vulva.

  3. Orgasm. Why your sensual clitoral touching is so primal, because it supercharges the rhythmic, involuntary, oh-so-pleasurable contractions of her pelvic muscles, felt throughout her vulva, uterus, vagina and anus – while her brain sends euphoric chemicals flying!

  4. Resolution. Why your understanding of her sudden clitoral oversensitivity is so essential, so her body can relax, and everything can return to normal – perhaps readying for another round.

  In the next few chapters, you’ll learn many women-endorsed techniques to supercharge clitoral orgasms. But first, it helps to keep a few orgasmic rules-of-thumb in mind:

  •A woman usually achieves orgasm between 15 and 40 minutes from the moment you start messing around, including about 20 minutes of direct clitoral stimulation. Try to get in synch!

  •Less than fifteen percent of women orgasm during intercourse – which means your pre- and during-intercourse clitoral touching takes on added significance.

  •Each orgasm has its own personality, depending on the quality of your stimulation, her mood, alcohol consumption, point in her monthly cycle, how she feels about you, how tired she is, how many she’s already enjoyed, etc.

  •A smallish orgasm can set off three to five bursts of pleasure contractions, while a head-spinning, body-melting orgasm can score as high as 15!

  •Some women have yet to learn to orgasm. If your lover tells you she’s never climaxed (or only thinks she may have), the best solution is for her to also masturbate – while you’re not around.

  •Some women simply cannot climax, which may be due to emotional issues, medications or menopause. It’s not something that you can “fix,” but perhaps suggesting a visit to a medical or psychological professional will help.

  Chapter 5

  Erotic Mood Setting

  If you could sit behind a one-way mirror and observe a secret gathering of a dozen sexually active women sipping wines and spilling whines about guys in the sack, what do you supposed you’d hear?

  Let’s listen in:

  “Oy! He always pushes too hard and too fast.”

  “He fancies himself a PORN star.”

  “He suffers from Eager Dick Syndrome, always trying to stick it in too soon.”

  “There’s no romance anymore.”

  “He’s selfish and grabby in bed.”

  “He rarely washes his hands, and always needs a shave.”

  “He thinks my first orgasm’s my final orgasm.”

  “After all these years, he STILL can’t find my clitoris.”

  Tough crowd, huh? And that was only the first ten minutes! But there is good news here: There’s so much complaining going on, that if you follow the advice in this book and raise your game even a little, you’ll be better than most in bed. And if you raise your game a lot, you’ll become a world-class lover.

  And the more satisfied your partner is, the more sex she’ll want.

  Aren’t you glad we eavesdropped?

  What Does Being “In The Mood” Really Mean?

  You’re a guy. Which means, in most cases, “ready for sex at any moment.” For instance, at this moment. Right?

  Conversely, most women will rarely drop their panties at the drop of a hat. And there’s the disconnect. So to get in sexual synch, she either needs to speed up, or you need to slow down – and we know who’ll win that contest of wills (especially if you want good sex, or even any sex at all!).

  Did you know there are several reasons why women take longer to warm up? If you take a moment to understand them, and practice them, you’ll discover the true seductive magic of a woman’s erotic awakening – if you can somehow keep your autopilot fly from unzipping itself!

  Physically, a woman needs more of the right kind of stimulation to increase blood flow to her erogenous zones. During this pulse-quickening blood-rush, her erectile tissue and sex receptors grow excited, sparking a sexual frenzy that feels so good to her, it feeds the drive to explore your body with equal gusto.

  On the other hand, what do you think happens when you pounce too fast? You short-circuit a natural progression in her that’s evolved over thousands of years, and can easily be summed up in one self-evident word:

  “OUCH!”

  Is that the sound you want to hear? Or would your rather hear a breathless “Ohhhwwwhhh” as she seductively unzips you herself, while you thank your lucky stars you were wise enough to take your fly off autopilot.

  So Far, So Good. Here’s Where Others Blow It.

  You’re both piping hot. Clothes are flying through the air. And your penis keeps throbbing uncontrollably. Now’s the time to dive in for the ol’ plunge ‘n pump, right?

  Hey... are you on the clock? Settle down. YOU may be piping hot, but she may not be piping anything. And at this rate, you’ll never solve “The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris” if you keep ignoring her crown jewel altogether.

  The sly little secret? Move slowly, move gently, and tease her to come to you.

  The fast, crazy action you crave will come later, when your skills have lifted her up to your frenzied level of passion. And it won’t take long, if you follow this advice:

  Start with light stroking over her entire body. Gently massage her inner thighs. Squeeze her butt. Slowly scratch her mound with your nails. Tease her vulva with your fingertips. Drizzle in a little lube. Do you feel her starting to gyrate towards you, and not away? That’s the sign you’re looking for, because it means you’re awakening the erectile tissue in her vulva – especially in her clitoris – and she wants more.

  So give her more!

  Tease the entrance to her vagina with your loving fingertips, but don’t slip inside. Now gently glide your fingertips toward the top of her vulva, like you’re about to touch her clitoris, but don’t! Instead, slide gently around it, till her body begs you to touch it. That’s when you know she’s ready to have it touched. So touch it, but only for a moment – then slide your fingertip all around the rest of her vulva.

  Let her clitoris chase your finger!

  Ready to take her passion to an even higher level? With your full palm lightly pressing onto her mound, send your fingertips sliding down the sides of her inner lips, merely sideswiping her clitoris. Your gentle pressure will excite everything down there, including the vast trove of her clitoris you can’t see!

  What If Your Lover Has A SUPER Sensitive Clitoris?

  Does too much of a good thing exist in sex? For some women, yes. The clitoris is so sensitive, direct contact can actually hurt.

  Your lover will surely yelp if super sensitivity causes her discomfort, and here’s what you do with this information: believe her, no matter what experiences you’ve had with other women.

  In all likelihood, your lover will be still able to enjoy a clitoral orgasm, but only from indirect contact all around it. Please don’t make her keep reminding you not to touch it directly (and heed any other directions she gives), because her irritation will only grow. Your mission is to find what she does like, and repeat it as often as you can.

  What If Your Moves Still Aren’t Working?

  Sometimes, even the most skilled lovers with the hottest hands don’t register more than an “eh.” All is not lost. Keep these potential sexbusters in mind:

  •How cold is the room? If she’s chilly, flip on the heat – or turn off the a/c.

  •Have you bypassed the long, passionate kissing she loves?

  •Are you rubbing her too hard? Soft ‘n gentle is the key.

  •Are you rubbing her too fast? Go slowhand, then ask if she wants faster.

  •Did you pour on any lube? Then pour on more. Nothing dampens a woman’s mood more than an annoying touch of a dry finger.

  •Is her head just not in the game? Take a breather, and refocus her attention on your affection.

  •Ask her what music she’d like to hear, or dim the lights way down low.

  •If you forgot to shower and shave, be sure to remember for next time.

  •Show up with clean, trimmed, filed fingernails. She’ll appreciate that.

  •Or simply ask: “Do you like when I do this?” or “Does this feel good?” or “Do you like it softer?” She’ll tell you... although it may take your proactive asking first.

  Chapter 6

  Polishing The Clitoral Jewel

  “If men ever figure out how to satisfy the clitoris, we might actually achieve world peace.”

  – Anonymous

  Of course, who knows how this could speed up global warming?

  But this is really about you, not mankind. And all comes down to pleasing your woman in the sack, so she’ll truly see you as her lover with a capital L.

  Sound good? Then please do this: Read the rest of this book at a slow, easy pace. Feel your inspiration (and libido) rise, absorb all these insights, and plan your moves till they’re firmly in your bone, er... bones!

  Ready? Let’s get started....

  Master Class #1: Hearing Is Not Listening

  You hear what’s going on around you, of course, but when you truly listen, you pick up additional, often subtle clues about what all those sounds really mean. Experienced lovers don’t only listen with their ears – they use all their senses to know whether their partner is deep in ecstasy, or drowsy in apathy.

  From now on, tune in to your lover. Listen to her body. Hear her sounds. Feel her warmth. Breathe her scent. See her glisten. Sense her passion. If the signals you’re picking up are stimulating and provocative, congratulations! Keep doing what you’re doing. If the signals are mixed, or missing, change course till you find what works.

  You want to become a Jedi Sexknight? This is how.

  Master Class #2: Mystery Loves Company

  Maybe you’re a guy who’ll keep driving all night instead of asking directions, but bring that philosophy into the bedroom, and you’ll likely be driving alone.

  Nine out of ten women will be overjoyed if you crack the ice by simply asking what they like, as long as you’re passionate, respectful and patient (and by the way, that tenth woman isn’t worth your time!).

  In fact, your lover’s response to a softly spoken question or two can be the difference between fumbling in the dark or falling into ecstasy. It’s rarely awkward or embarrassing, if you simply slip in your question organically... like this:

  •“A little slower?”